A GUEST POSTING by STEVE McLEAN
JC writes…..
As previously mentioned, Steve McLean has been a long time friend of the blog, having contributed a few guest postings over the years, including his take on The Last Temptation of Elvis compilation album, ICAs on Chuck Mosley and Natalie Merchant/10,000 Maniacs, appreciation of the Marc & Lard radio show, and a tribute to musical theatre.
A reminder that he makes a living (in part) from stand-up comedy, and, with the month of August coming around, he and many others will be making his way to Edinburgh in search of an audience. I’ve been to a couple of Steve’s previous shows and been thoroughly entertained, and, as becoming tradition, I’m giving the blog over to him for a day so that he can plus his new show…… so without further ado, I’ll pass the mic to him.
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Hello Internet-ians (that’s people of the internet, not people of the internet only called Ian). It’s that time of the year when I suddenly remember I like writing about music, you know when the Edinburgh fringe is coming up, and I have a show to plug? Seriously though, that whole Fringe thing is just a framing device, so I can spam you with my thoughts on songs I like.
This year I am doing a f*cking great show (or it will be great when it’s written, at the moment it’s just a really good idea and even then the word ‘good’ is subjective). I’m presenting the A to Z of 80’s hair rock (not the crap loser stuff like Jane’s Addiction or The Cult but the uber-cool stuff like Warrant and Faster puss*cat).
I grew up in a small, insular place, I was spotty, not very well liked and I absolutely repelled women. BUT! Then I discovered the majestic genius that was Joe Perry and all of that changed. I wore make up, a bandana and ripped jeans. I didn’t repel women anymore! I repelled everyone.
While the dorks were sat on their beds in the dark listening to The Smiths or The Wedding Present, I was rocking out with my headphones on, pretending to be C.C. Deville of Poison. f*cking cool, right?
I’ve often thought that indie music and hair metal have more in common than people realise. Both genres seem to me to be mainly songs about unattainable women sang by people with bad hair that you’d cross the street to avoid. Don’t believe me? Go get your guitar and change the badly played chuggy riffs to badly played feeble strums. QED.
So in the name of building bridges and uniting music communities that probably don’t exist anymore, I present to you an Indie-ish guide to hair metal and pomp rock.
(CONTRACTUAL SMALL PRINT I’m being pretty broadwith my definition of the term Indie. Don’t send me messages saying ‘actuallllly they were on a major label’ or “Aztec Camera were a pop band, not an indie band’ because I’ll just print them out, hang them in the toilet next to the Cease and Desist order I’ve got from Morrissey and laugh when I’m having a dump).
mp3: Luna – Sweet Child Of Mine (Guns’n’f*ck’n’Roses)
Ian Watson of the seminal indie club How Does It Feel To Be Loved introduced me to this. It’s corking, right? I don’t know much about Luna but everything about this song tells me they spent a lot of time at school being relieved of their dinner money during the morning break.
Guns’n’f*ck’n’Roses were once proclaimed to be the most dangerous band in the world, which is weird because their backstage rider contained fresh cottage cheese, organic honey and the catering tables had to be dressed with linen table cloths, NOT PAPER! Nothing says danger like soft cheese and soft cotton. Just like Satan himself would demand.
mp3: Manic Street Preachers – Under My Wheels (Alice Cooper)
Early Manics got lumped in with a lot of late 80’s hair metal. They got a lot of press in RAW and Kerrang! magazines. It was the eyeliner and the Johnny Thunders‘ look. They pissed on those chips pretty soon though, going down an NME road that ultimately led to Britpop. f*cking losers.
This is a great Alice Cooper song. Two facts about Alice Cooper that might surprise you – He’s a Republican voter. Imagine the guy who sang a song called Cold Ethyl which is about f*cking a dead body, then voting for the so called family values of the GOP. Although the more we find out about Rudy Giullani, that’s probably always been on brand. In the name of political balance I should point out that Jill Biden also has sex with a lifeless body.
Second Alice Cooper Fact (and thanks to swc for the prompt!). He was best friends with Ronnie Corbett.
mp3: Dandy Warhols – Hell’s Bells (ACDC)
This is an ACDC classic (and much loved by Ally McCoist) that’s been given the slacker once-over. The Dandy’s were the kings of art rock cool for about 20 minutes in the late 90s until The Strokes turned up and stole their thunder. You bastards, how could you do that to them? To be fair, they didn’t help themselves with the Vodafone advert.
They also covered Ted Nugent‘s Free For All which is a great song lost to history because, well, it’s by Ted Nugent and no one who isn’t regularly molesting farm animals will ever listen to him again. If you’re ever thinking ‘Sure, Ted’s a sh*tty racist with creepy sex pest overtones but c’mon, he’s a hippy from the 60s and 70s, so his mind is probably strung out on smack, acid and Jack Daniels’ ….Well let me tell, he’s been sober since 1967. So there’s no twisted mind-altering substance that made him who he is, he’s just a c*nt.
mp3: Aztec Camera – Jump (Van Halen)
This is f*cking amazing song. You know how I know it’s an amazing song? It’s a hair rock pomp tune being played by melodic pop act and it still sounds cracking. Did you know that it has also been covered by Mary Lou Lord and Paul Anka? The reason why it works so well is that it’s not played for laughs, Roddy Frame entirely commits to and it’s lush as f*ck.
Van Halen have had an interesting revolving door of singers. Eddie Van Halen fell out with David Lee Roth so hired Sammy Hagar. He than fell out with Hagar so hired Gary Cherone of Extreme (Cherone was just pleased to be there since he now didn’t have to sing More Than f*cking Words every night) He then re-hired Roth, then re-hired Hagar, then re-hired Roth again and fired the bass player Michael Anthony. Basically what I’m saying is ‘Imagine being in a band with David Lee Roth and David Lee Roth turns out not to be the biggest bell-end’.
mp3: The Breeders – Lord Of The Thighs (Aerosmith)
I couldn’t decide between this and REM‘s cover of Toys in the Attic to represent America’s Greatest Ever Rock Band (TM), I chose this, really because the more that comes out about Steve Tyler‘s frankly f*cking awful behavior, the more teenage me wants the songs to be rescued. The uncomfortable-1970s-lyrics-when-listened-through-2024-ears are given a 90s feminist kick in the dick, The song is saved as it becomes a queer sex anthem and everyone forgets about Steven Tyler what he did, and I don’t have to get rid of my Aerosmith records.
There’s a storming live version here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9pqiWjC2Yc
There’s a couple of others that didn’t make the final list including the Lemonheads covering Kiss and another Manics shout (It’s So Easy by Guns’N’f*ck’N’Roses). You know I’m really surprised that the Wedding Present haven’t done a cover of I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing, it feels right up their B-Side / Session street. If you’re reading this, Gedge, buck up.
Belle and Sebastian should have made this list too with something like Legs by ZZ Top. What can I say? I’m an ideas man. Although, a hair metal tribute to C86 seems the next logical step in this.
If you’re at the Edinburgh Fringe then please come to my show. It’s every day (except Tuesdays) at 2.45pm at the Slow Progress cafe (it’s free, although I’ll ask you for a donation at the end. It’s basically indoor busking.
STEVE
JC adds….
As I mentioned earlier, Steve’s shows are always good fun, albeit you better be on your guard for audience participation. As he says above, it’s part of the Free Fringe and so there’s no stupidly priced admission (+ booking fee!!), and in typical tradition of the buskers, you can just put some money into a hat at the end of the show.
The Slow Progress Cafe is on Blackfriars Street, very handily located just off the Royal Mile in the very centre of the city. If you’re in Edinburgh during August, you don’t have any excuses to miss out…
